You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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