Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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