"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
