its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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