nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
