My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
