I wish I only lived at night.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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