My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
