You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
