there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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