I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
