Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
