i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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