There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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