my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
that is very illegal...i love you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
