glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
