it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
