Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
