I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
