I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You can't motorboat a personality
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i think my cat just said my name.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
