Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
