I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
