I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
