So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
