First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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