did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
