How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
