Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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