if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
