His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
