my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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