Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
