i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
