It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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