I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
