3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
