Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
