he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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