how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
