you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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