I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
