I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
