and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
