im about as happy as oj after his trial
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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