last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
