First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
