I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
