i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
4 words: hood of his car
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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