and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
