My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
